America... I’ve never felt more separated from a country I’ve loved in all of my life. I don’t identify with any political party, as I’m a devout libertarian, but I do identify with the weight of human life. Have we truly gotten to a place where we celebrate the murder or harm of a fellow human? Whether they are democrat or republican, they above all are someone’s son, someone’s daughter, father, brother, sister, mother... you get the idea.
Just the day before the tragic shooting of Charlie Kirk, a girl walked onto a train to head to work, sat down and looked at her phone, then proceeded to be brutally stabbed by a total stranger and bled to death in mere moments. She was someone’s daughter, someone’s reason for getting up in the morning. Just like Charlie was a husband, a father, and a son. Just like Joe Biden was an elderly man with obvious mental deficits, but imagine if that was YOUR father. Just like Melissa and Mark Hortman, do they not have family whose world was completely changed forever by an act of complete hate and ignorance?
Just this past Saturday, someone near and dear to my heart lost his life on a rural Arizona highway because of the irresponsible choices made by a sixteen year old girl who attempted to pass directly into oncoming traffic, probably texting and obviously not responsible or experienced enough to be behind the wheel alone. A split second moment of carelessness took a man from this world who spent most of his life helping others and forever changed the life of that driver.
The problem is not guns. The problem is not knives. The problem is not Hummers. The problem is not democrat. The problem is not republican. The problem is that we, as people, have not paid attention to the human condition and what we have created in terms of mental health. I see it in children and my heart quakes with fear for the world my own children will one day stand in alone, without the shelter of their mother or father. We have lowered our expectations for people when we should be raising them. We have less and less consequences, when consequences should be the expectation for wrongdoings.
Shooting or stabbing or violently beating someone are absolutely not the actions of a mentally well person who has learned to handle their emotions. It is the dangerous adult version of an unhappy toddler throwing their cup at your face and being told it is okay. It is the dangerous adult version of a teenager slamming a door in your face and you telling them it’s okay. It’s the progression of a spouse physically abusing their partner and being told that it’s okay. We do not have a gun problem. We do not have a weapon problem. What we have is a severe mental health crisis of epic proportions. People who commit these acts of unspeakable violence are mentally ill, no matter their intelligence level or how well they have functioned in life up until that moment, period.
But, how do we fix it? How do we address the rising numbers of children who take their own lives every year? How do we help our children prepare for a world where you may be publicly executed for what you believe or the things you have said or simply just for walking onto a train?
Maybe we should start in our own homes. This isn’t a God problem or a church problem, and I know that will upset some folks, but please hear me out. Waiting until our kids are 15 or 25 is not the time to teach them life skills and coping mechanisms. Neither is 10, for that matter. We are not raising children, we are preparing children to become future adults, and there is a big difference. As a mother, it wreaks havoc on my heart to see my children cry, to see them disappointed or hurting. But, and this is where it gets really hard... life is full of disappointment, consequences, hurt, and people who feel or think differently than we do. It is entirely and completely unavoidable. Why are we waiting until adults to learn or teach coping mechanisms? Why are we not OK with our children being disappointed at 4, 5, 6 years old? Why are we scared of our kids having consequences for poor choices? They have to learn accountability, responsibility, independence, and coping BEFORE they go out into the world. You are not your child’s friend. You are their parent, their protector, their advocate. It is your responsibility to make sure that your child does not get upset somewhere along the way over what someone has said and takes their own life or the life of another.
Put your phone down. Talk to your kids, talk to their friends. Set high expectations and then hold them accountable. Let them experience consequences as children so they don’t experience prison or an early death as an adult. Stop blaming others for your child’s inability to cope. The world is going to hurt their feelings, they have to learn how to handle that. Build your child up and fill them with love and confidence and make sure they know they can come to you. Teach them to take care of their bodies, teach them that exercise releases endorphins and it makes their physical and mental health better. Set limits. Set boundaries. Set rules and consequences and enforce those. It’s hard, its actually exhausting if you do it right. But it is the single most important thing you will ever do in your life, for you, for them, for this very broken world. I honestly think this is the first step of many in preventing these terrible tragedies. I hope more of us see this as a wakeup call to ensure that all the people we love make it back to us at the end of our day.