We like our world to be simple. We like to know who the good people are and who the bad ones are. We like to neatly categorize with clear separation lines because they make us feel safe. However, the uncomfortable truth is that nobody truly knows what someone else is capable of.
It’s unsettling to always feel like the people who smile at us, who may have been cordial to us may be living entirely different lives behind closed doors. To know that just because someone has been nice to us does not mean that’s who they are — it does not mean they are nice to everyone and it certainly does not correlate to them being a good person. Being nice does not mean someone is good. There are no guarantees — no foolproof way of knowing whether someone is good or simply nice. No checklist that lets us see behind the curtain of who someone is when no one is watching.
We want nice people to be good, mean people to be bad and we want that to be who they are all the time – it makes things easy, simple. But that’s just not how real life works – nothing is black or white, it all has shades of gray. Everything is messy and complicated and deeply human. The truth is nobody is all good or all bad.
It’s terrifying.
I don’t mean the movie-monster kind of terror — I mean, the quiet terror that settles in your chest and makes knots in your gut. The one that makes you avoid dark alleys, hold your keys between your knuckles, mistrust your neighbors, update your concealed carry license, carry your tribal identification, and force your child to grow up.
Perhaps, that’s the worst thing about it — attempting to raise a child in a world that does not allow children to stay children for long. It’s hard enough to teach kids how to be kind, how to be brave, how to navigate a world that keeps showing them dark corners before they’ve had the chance to bask in the light. The weight of it all feels unbearable. How do we prepare children for a world where safety isn’t always obvious and trust isn’t always deserved?
There’s no perfect answer. The best we can do is control what we teach, how we model ourselves, and believe in resilience. We can’t control what others are capable of but we can teach our children to trust their instincts, to ask questions, to speak up, and to know that their voices matter. We can show them that goodness isn’t about appearances — it’s about the choices we all make and how to choose good again and again and again especially when no one is watching.
No matter how much darkness this world shows us it does not mean that light doesn’t exist. We teach our children to be aware of both. We teach them to acknowledge fear without letting it harden us, to be aware of danger without keeping us from new experiences, to be prepared for those who may harm us without holding it against everyone we meet. Most importantly, as parents we raise thoughtful, compassionate humans who understand that while they can’t control the world they can be a force of good within it — as adults we make the quiet, powerful decision to protect all children. And perhaps, that will be enough — that has to be enough.